I KNOW THERE ARE OTHERS PRESENT TODAY WHO HAVE EXPERIENCED THE LOSS OF A CHILD, AND MY HEART GOES OUT TO YOU AS I CONTINUE TO WRESTLE WITH MY OWN THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS. YOU HAVE MY UTMOST RESPECT FOR YOUR STRENGTH AND MY SINCERE APPRECIATION FOR YOUR ENCOURAGEMENT.
TO QUOTE AN OTHERWISE CORNY, BUT IN THIS CASE APPLICABLE LINE FROM JERRY MAGUIRE, GREG “MADE OUR FAMILY COMPLETE.” DESTINED TO HAVE A CHALLENGING CHILDHOOD WITH THREE OLDER SISTERS, HE MADE THE MOST AND THE BEST OF IT. LIKE MANY FAMILIES WE ENJOYED DAILY EPISODES OF “WAR AND PEACE” IN THE WEINER HOUSEHOLD, BUT AT THE END OF THE DAY WERE ABLE TO CIRCLE THE WAGONS AND MOVE FORWARD AS ONE. AS IS THE CASE WITH MOST MILITARY FAMILIES, WE MOVED FREQUENTLY. BY MY UNOFFICIAL COUNT, GREG LIVED IN 12 DIFFERENT HOMES AND ATTENDED 8 SCHOOLS. HE RARELY COMPLAINED ABOUT MOVING AND WAS MORE INTENT ON MAKING NEW FRIENDS AND ENJOYING LIFE.
GREG WAS AN EXTREMELY BRIGHT AND INQUISITIVE INDIVIDUAL. ANY ACADEMIC CHALLENGES HE ENCOUNTERED WERE USUALLY SELF-INFLICTED. AND WHILE WE WILL NOT BE SHOWCASING HIS FIRST SEMESTER REPORT CARD FROM VIRGINIA TECH UPSTAIRS AT THE RECEPTION, I AM PROUD TO ANNOUNCE HE EARNED A “B” IN CHEMISTRY, BY FAR THE BEST PERFORMANCE IN THIS SUBJECT BY ANYONE IN HIS IMMEDIATE FAMILY.
GREG HAD A GREAT AFFINITY FOR THE WATER. THIS FIRST BECAME APPARENT WHEN WE HAD TO PLUCK HIM FROM A FOUNTAIN INSIDE A MALL IN PENSACOLA, FLORIDA WHEN HE WAS 4 YEARS OLD. HE SPENT COUNTLESS HOURS IN THE POOL, AS A COMPETITIVE SWIMMER AND LIFEGUARD, HE ACQUIRED A PASSION FOR THE SPORT OF WATER POLO AND DEVELOPED VERY SPECIAL AND LASTING BONDS WITH MEMBERS OF THE CUMBERLAND VALLEY, VIRGINIA TECH AND UVA WATER POLO TEAMS – MEN’S AND WOMEN’S. GREG ALSO HAD AN ENDURING LOVE FOR THE OCEAN, AND IT IS ONLY FITTING THAT TODAY’S SERVICE TAKES PLACE ON THE BEACH.
WHILE GREG GENERALLY REPRESENTED WHAT IS GOOD IN PEOPLE AND SOCIETY, WE SHOULD NOT BE TOO QUICK TO ENSHRINE HIM IN THE “MODEL CITIZEN HALL OF FAME.” IN THE SPIRIT OF FULL DISCLOSURE, I WILL SHARE A COUPLE EXAMPLES OF GREG’S SCANDALOUS SIDE, A QUALITY NO DOUBT INHERITED FROM HIS MOTHER. WHEN GREG WAS IN ELEMENTARY SCHOOL, HE WOULD FREQUENTLY RECEIVE YELLOW SHEETS – COPIES OF REPORTS FOR MINOR INFRACTIONS SUCH AS TALKING IN CLASS, BEING LATE OR NOT FOLLOWING SOME ESTABLISHED RULE. KNOWING GREG AS WELL AS WE DID, ALENA AND I WERE NEVER CONVINCED THAT HE WAS SHARING ALL OF HIS YELLOW SHEETS WITH US SINCE IN MOST CASES, SOME FORM OF PUNISHMENT OR REMEDIAL ACTION FOLLOWED. SO WHENEVER A MONTH OR TWO WOULD GO BY WITHOUT SEEING A YELLOW SHEET, WE WOULD RANDOMLY SIT HIM DOWN, STARE AT HIM STERNLY AND ASK, “IS THERE SOMETHING THAT YOU WANT TO TELL US FROM SCHOOL?” THINKING WE HAD SOME FORM OF INTELLIGENCE, MORE OFTEN THAN NOT HE WOULD SPILL HIS GUTS AND CONFESS TO SOMETHING HE DID WRONG AT SCHOOL – COMPLETELY OBLIVIOUS TO OUR BLUFF.
THERE IS ANOTHER GROUP OF FRIENDS GREG ASSOCIATED WITH ON SEVERAL OCCASIONS – THE VIRGINIA BEACH POLICE DEPARTMENT. GREG’S ABILITY TO DO SOME PRETTY BONEHEADED THINGS WAS ONLY SURPASSED BY HIS UNCANNY KNACK TO GET CAUGHT DOING THEM. I HAVE HEARD SOME ATTRIBUTE THIS TO THE APPLE NOT FALLING FAR FROM THE TREE, BUT I WILL NOT COMMENT ON THAT. GREG COULD HAVE BEEN THE POSTER BOY FOR “NOTHING GOOD HAPPENS AFTER MIDNIGHT” OR “AMERICA’S DUMBEST CRIMINALS.” WHEN HE WAS 12 HE DECIDED TO “RUN WITH THE OLDER CROWD” AND ENGAGED IN SOME LATE NIGHT EGG THROWING. HE SEEMED SHOCKED THE NEXT DAY WHEN ONE OF HIS AFOREMENTIONED FRIENDS FROM THE VBPD KNOCKED ON THE DOOR TO TAKE DOWN HIS INFORMATION AND STATEMENT. WHEN ASKED HOW THEY WERE ABLE TO IDENTIFY GREG AS ONE OF THE CULPRITS, THE OFFICER SAID, “IT WAS EASY - MOST PARENTS DO NOT SEND THEIR YOUNG CHILDREN TO BUY EGGS AT THE 7-11 AT 12:30 IN THE MORNING AND SURVEILLANCE CAMERAS DON’T LIE.”
ONE THING I ADMIRED ABOUT GREG WHENEVER HE MANAGED TO GET IN TO TROUBLE WAS A WILLINGNESS TO ACCEPT THE RESPONSIBILITY AND CONSEQUENCES OF HIS ACTIONS. WHILE THE EGG INCIDENT HAS AN AMUSING ELEMENT TO IT, THERE WAS ALSO A VERY SERIOUS SIDE AS WELL. THE SECTION OF ROAD WHERE THE BOYS WERE THROWING EGGS AT PASSING CARS HAD A VERY DANGEROUS CURVE. THE CAR THAT WAS HIT AND WHICH GENERATED THE POLICE REPORT INVOLVED A GRANDMOTHER AND HER GRANDCHILD. I WOULD LIKE TO A FEW EXCERPT FROM THE LETTER GREG WROTE ON HIS OWN.
“MY NAME IS GREG WEINER AND I AM 12 YEARS OLD. I WAS ONE OF THE KIDS INVOLVED IN THE ACT OF THROWING EGGS AT CARS. EVEN THOUGH THERE WERE OLDER KIDS THERE, I SHOULD HAVE BEEN THINKING. NOW THAT I THINK BACK I KNOW WHAT I DID WAS HORRIBLE. I COULD OF CAUSED AN ACCIDENT OR EVEN THE LIVES OF YOU AND YOUR GRANDCHILD. I COULD OF NEVER LIVED WITH THAT ON MY MIND. IF I COULD GO BACK RIGHT NOW, I WOULD NEVER HAVE EVEN CONSIDERED GOING WITH THOSE BOYS AND COMMITTING THAT CRIME.”
HE GOES ON.
“I AM WILLING TO HELP PAY FOR DAMAGE TO YOUR CAR AND WILL EVEN HELP YOU DO CHORES AROUND THE HOUSE TO MAKE UP FOR MY MISTAKE. I HOPE YOU CAN FIND IT IN YOUR HEART TO ACCEPT THIS APOLOGY. AGAIN, I AM TRULY SORRY AND HOPE YOU AND YOUR FAMILY WILL GET THROUGH THIS ALRIGHT. SINCERELY, GREG WEINER.”
GREG CELEBRATED HIS 18TH BIRTHDAY BY PURCHASING A LOTTERY TICKET, CIGAR AND ADULT MAGAZINE. WHEN I ASKED HIM WAS IT WORTH THE MONEY HE SAID, “NOT REALLY, MY TICKET DIDN’T WIN, THE CIGAR MADE ME CHOKE AND I COULDN’T BRING THE MAGAZINE HOME.” THIS WAS JUST ONE INDICATOR THAT GREG WAS NOT DESTINED TO BE A GIANT IN THE WORLD OF FINANCE. MONEY HAD A WAY OF BURNING A HOLE IN HIS HAND LIKE NO OTHER. NEVER ONE TO HAVE MORE THAN POCKET CHANGE ON HIS PERSON, HE WAS ALWAYS ENGAGED IN SOME CREATIVE WAY TO MAKING FINANCIAL ENDS MEET. AT VIRGINIA TECH, WHEN HE EXHAUSTED THE FUNDS IN HIS DINING ACCOUNT BEFORE THE END OF THE SEMESTER, HE ENROLLED HIMSELF IN SEVERAL OTHER MEAL PLANS – EMILY’S MEAL PLAN, BRIAN’S MEAL PLAN, JOHN’S MEAL PLAN.
ABOVE ALL ELSE, GREG WAS GOOD AND DECENT PERSON. ANY SHORTCOMINGS HE HAD, INCLUDING THAT AWFUL BEARD HE GREW JUST TO AGITATE ME, WERE DWARFED BY HIS KINDNESS, LOYALTY AND LOVE FOR PEOPLE AND LIFE. TRY AS I WOULD, I COULD NEVER REMAIN ANGRY AT HIM FOR ANY SIGNIFICANT LENGTH OF TIME, AND I WAS ALWAYS ENVIOUS OF HIS ABILITIES AND POTENTIAL.
THERE IS A SAYING THAT “TIME AND TIDE WAIT FOR NO MAN,” AND THE BITTERSWEET REALITY IS THAT OUR LIVES WILL MOVE FORWARD WITHOUT GREG, AND OUR FOCUS WILL SHIFT TO FAMILY, FAITH, FRIENDS, JOBS, SCHOOL, COMMUNITY AND OTHER WORLDLY MATTERS. WHILE GREG’S SPIRIT WILL ALWAYS REMAIN PART OF MY HEART, THE QUESTION AT HAND IS HOW TO DRAW FROM THE MANY POSITIVES IN HIS LIFE, ESTABLISH AND PRESERVE HIS LEGACY, AND MAKE THE WORLD A LITTLE BETTER OFF.
I HAVE SOME SUGGESTIONS.
1) IDENTIFY AND SUPPORT A CAUSE. RECOGNIZE AND THANK A “HERO.” THROUGH THIS EXPERIENCE I HAVE GAINED A NEW APPRECIATION FOR THE CONTRIBUTIONS OF OUR MEDICAL RESPONSE AND HEALTH CARE PROFESSIONALS. THEIRS IS NO EASY OR ENVIABLE TASK, AND I AM ETERNALLY GRATEFUL FOR THE COMPETENCE, COMPASSION AND CARING THEY PROVIDED GREG AND MY FAMILY.
2) BE INCLUSIVE, KIND AND CARING. I HAVE COME TO REALIZE AFTER READING NOTES AND HEARING MANY STORIES FROM THOSE WHO KNEW AND SPENT TIME WITH GREG JUST HOW IMPORTANT AND EVEN LIFE CHANGING A SMALL ACT OF KINDNESS CAN BE. WE WOULD ALL BE BETTER SERVED TO BE LESS JUDGMENTAL AND MORE TOLERANT OF OTHERS.
3) CONSIDER ORGAN DONATION. AS MOST OF YOU KNOW, GREG WAS AN ORGAN DONOR BY CHOICE. AS HE LAY IN THE OPERATING ROOM ON THE DAY FOLLOWING HIS DEATH, FOUR INDIVIDUALS WERE SIMULTANEOUSLY BEING PREPPED TO RECEIVE HIS HEART, LUNGS, LIVER AND KIDNEYS. TODAY THOSE FOUR PEOPLE – SOMEONE’S FAMILY MEMBER OR FRIEND - AND POTENTIALLY HUNDREDS MORE IN THE FUTURE, WILL LIVE BECAUSE OF GREG’S SELFLESS GIFT. AS MUCH AS THE PHONE CALL FROM THE VIRGINIA TECH POLICE TELLING ME GREG WAS INVOLVED IN A BAD ACCIDENT WILL HAUNT ME FOR A LONG TIME, I TAKE GREAT SOLACE IN KNOWING THERE WERE FOUR PHONE CALLS WHICH BUOYED THE HOPE AND SPIRIT OF OTHERS.
4) BE A BLOOD DONOR. WE ALL EXPECT BLOOD TO BE THERE FOR US, BUT BARELY A FRACTION OF THOSE WHO CAN GIVE DO. YET SOONER OR LATER, VIRTUALLY ALL OF US WILL FACE A TIME OF GREAT VULNERABILITY IN WHICH WE WILL NEED BLOOD. AND THAT TIME IS ALL TOO OFTEN UNEXPECTED. GREG WAS A BLOOD DONOR AND RECIPIENT.
5) FOR EVERYONE, BUT ESPECIALLY THE YOUNGER MEMBERS HERE TODAY, UNDERSTAND THERE ARE CONSEQUENCES FOR EVERY DECISION MADE IN LIFE, AND THAT THESE CONSEQUENCES CAN TOUCH THE LIVES OF OTHERS. BY CHOICE, ALENA AND I ALLOWED OF GREG’S FRIENDS TO VISIT HIM IN THE HOSPITAL. WHILE IT WAS CERTAINLY NOT THE LAST VISUAL IMAGE WE WISHED PEOPLE TO HAVE OF GREG, IT WAS OUR HOPE THAT THIS IMAGE MIGHT VALIDATE JUST HOW FRAGILE THE HUMAN BODY IS WHEN SUBJECTED TO TRAUMATIC INJURIES, ESPECIALLY PREVENTABLE ONES.
6) WEAR A HELMET AND ENCOURAGE OTHERS TO DO SO - WHETHER SKATEBOARDING, RIDING A BIKE, SKIING OR SNOWBOARDING. PARENTS AND GRANDPARENTS CAN DO THEIR PART BY LAYING DOWN THE LAW FOR YOUR CHILDREN AND GRANDCHILDREN, AND SHOULD ALSO LEAD BY EXAMPLE. AS MANY OF YOU ARE AWARE, WE ARE ESTABLISHING THE GREGORY WEINER FOUNDATION WHOSE PRIMARY GOAL WILL BE TO INCREASE HELMET SAFETY AWARENESS. IF THIS EFFORT CAN PREVENT EVEN ONE FAMILY FROM GOING THROUGH THIS AWFUL EXPERIENCE, I THINK ALL WOULD AGREE IT IS A WORTHY CAUSE.
7) NEVER TAKE RELATIONSHIPS FOR GRANTED. STAY CONNECTED WITH PEOPLE. IF APPLICABLE, BURY THE HATCHET AND MAKE PEACE WITH LOVED ONES AND FRIENDS. IT MAY TAKE A LITTLE EFFORT, BUT I PROMISE IT IS WORTH IT. WE WERE BLESSED THAT OUR FAMILY WAS CLOSE AND I CANNOT BEGIN TO IMAGINE THE THOUGHTS THAT WOULD BE SWIRLING AROUND MY HEAD WERE THIS NOT THE CASE.
AGAIN MY FAMILY WISHES TO THANK EVERYONE PRESENT IN PERSON AND IN SPIRIT FOR YOUR GENEROSITY, SUPPORT AND WELL-WISHES. WE ARE SO LUCKY TO BE PART OF SOMETHING MUCH BIGGER THAN OURSELVES. GREG’S LIFE WAS TOO SHORT, BUT IT WAS A LIFE I AM PROUD TO HAVE BEEN PART OF. I LOVE YOU SON.
