Everyday as I walk from my "relatives" apartment, on my way to wherever I happen to be going on any given day, I pass by a little plot of sunflowers. They are very much like sunflowers in America. They stand at 5+ feet. They are yellow with the big black pistil (or is it stamen???). However, unlike our American sunflowers, Mongolian sunflowers do not adulate the heavenly body they are named for. Rather, they remain immobile only drooping slightly at the hottest times of day. At first this disturbed me, but then I realized that moving flowers are actually most freakadeaky.
I confuse UB Mongolians. I'm obviously NOT Mongolian. Even if I didn't have the extremely white (and now utterly freckled) skin, "yellow" hair, blue eyes, gex met...I still couldn't pass for Mongolian. My body shape is all wrong, which in turn makes my walk all wrong. Yes I can prepare blow torched sheep's head, but I am without a doubt a gadad khun ("outside person"=foreigner). However, I don't act like a gadad khun should. I ride the bus. I cram into microbus/van thingys. I text on my cell phone while crossing the street. I eat in hole in the wall, cheap, Mongolian restaurants. I wear heels and makeup. Who is this girl??? I can see the question in their eyes. She looks like one of them, but she almost acts like one of us. Maybe this is why I perpetually get confronted by Mongolian men, especially if they've heard me speaking Mongolian (which I am told has improved greatly since my move to the soum). No, I don't want to meet you. No, I can't teach you English. No, I don't need you to walk me home. Drinks? I don't think so! Why? Because I'm on my way to meet my boyfriend. He lives in the city. He's American. He is tall and strong and has a beard. He is very handsome and jealous. No, we are not breaking up. Usually my crisp responses and "boyfriend" do the trick. However, some manage to see through the lie, or insist that its okay. (And by some I mean 4 people) For them I pull out The Picture.
This past Xmas the Fam went up to Mass to vacation. (I know, I know, I should have wrote "vacay" to keep with the whole abbrev. thing I had going but I can't stand that word!!!) Anyway, there is a picture of the entire Nomadic Weiner Crew, myself excluded. Even Bullet is in the picture. Now, I can't see it, but when Mongolians see this picture they assume Meredith is me. Even upon being told its not me, they either think I'm lying or ask if she is my twin. Like I said I don't see it. Sisters yeah, but twins...naw. Next to her stands Gregory. They also assume that Ickle Baby Greggiekins is 27 not 17 (at the time of the picture). With the full beard this is not surprising. Unless told its a picture of my family, they also assume he is not related to us because he doesn't look like us. This is crazy Gregory could have aptly named Dana Jr. but I think they cant get past that beard of his. Anyway, I like the picture, so I carry it around with me. And waahlaa! You have a picture of "Me" with my family on Christmas standing next to my "Boyfriend."
The first time I did this I thought: 1) They are gonna realize its not really me. and 2) Its kinda creepy saying Gregory is my boyfriend. But it worked. Most hilair. Now I just find it funny. Though I'd rather they not talk to me in the first place.
My little brothers just called. "Azaa cut open his hand, I must come home quickly." The little liar. When will they realize I know all their tricks. I've pulled all their tricks and then some. Its cute. I only wish they would stop punching me in the arm, as hard as they can, when their little shenanigans don't work out as planned.
1 comment:
That picture is not of the whole family and Scoogs....
You should put a picture of my face on a sumflower....5 feet: A real life-size Erin Sunflower.
-Mini C
Post a Comment